the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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