you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
