I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize