so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
