Where did you get a picture of my penis
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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