WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
