I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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