i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
