Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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