he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is Oprah even human
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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