I just saw a hot homeless man
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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