so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
