AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
