I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
