Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
