Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
