this just has baby written all over it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
