Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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