Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
