We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
