His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
