nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
