you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
