I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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