I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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