I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
