We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
