Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
