the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
