We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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