Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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