i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
