so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
wanna go halves on a baby?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
