Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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