I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
