I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
