I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
