How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
