Porn is love you can see.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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