wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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