I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
