Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
