Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
