Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
