you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
