i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
