found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
