in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
