Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
