So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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