oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
