It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
