forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
