I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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